What's your horoscope for today?

[robinbloke]

Inspired after karohemd's post I invite you to post your star sign (Leo, Capricorn, Dancing llamas, etc) below and based on solid scientific guesswork predict for you the fate of the universe as it revolves around you in Horoscope form.

Comments

[nannyo.livejournal.com]

my star sign is Fesces...oh wait, no sorry, Pisces
N.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

That sinking feeling you've been ignoring all morning will turn out to be a quicksand pit under your desk your work colleagues have put there for a joke.
This week play safe - avoid axe murderers whenever you can.
Your lottery numbers are destined to be all winners. However it will be in a lottery in southern Brazil.
Your lucky number is PI.

[claire-smith.livejournal.com]

Mine is Virgo. Stop laughing at the back there! ;P

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Money issues will be alleviated when your sofa gains sentience and offers to start paying its way towards monthly costs.
This will however have unfortunate consequences later on this month when it is found to be hiring illegal immigrant workers from an as yet undiscovered gambling tribe from the Southern Amazon to run a casino and is raided by Customs.
Tip of the month: Don't wear bright yellow when visiting zoos, it distracts monkeys as they think you're a giant banana.

[serena-lesley.livejournal.com]

Mine is Leo. (Go figure!)

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Those little voices in your head have just installed a sub woofer, expect your neighbour to start complaining real soon.
Your cosmic destiny will be fullfilled this month when a moon mission offer goes astray from the Russian space institute and is delivered to your door. Leaving you only the problem of learning Russian in two weeks.
Your lucky hairstyle is retro afro. Although I wouldn't go telling anyone this if I were you.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ophuichus

[zotz]

Likewise.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Good heavens, someone who can quote White Dwarf's Critical Mass from 1985. I thought I was the only one.

[zotz]

Oh, I suspect there are others.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Clouds are due to darken your skies this week, after a few minutes you will realise this is because your toast is on fire.
Match your outgoings and incomings, Mercury says that you should gamble it all on freeholdings and stocks that match your initials. But then he lost everything in the dotcom crash, so what does he know?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

The power of the force is strong in you. Sunspots are influing your daily routine. Mars is influencing your work life and Xena has just fluctuated on your hormones. Don't ask about Gabrielle, just don't.

None of this explains why this morning when you woke up you found three bras, two traffic cones, half a pickled egg, an inflatable sheep and a toasted sandwich maker in your bed.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It certainly doesn't. I was babysitting my neice last night, and she's hardly old enough.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

But the stars, they are never wrong.
'Right' is obviously open to interpretation however.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Correct to a given value of 'right'.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

I didn't know you were an astrologer as well.

[rirekon.livejournal.com]

Scorpio!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Look sharp! This week you are destined to be crushed in the embrace of a large dark stranger with black and white teeth. Avoid piano shops.
The nagging feeling that you've been forgetting something finally explains itself when the zombie of your pet hamster rises from the grave and attacks you as you collect your morning paper.
This weeks lucky footware is anything that lets you run faster that a rodent from beyond the grave.

[rirekon.livejournal.com]

Run away from? *sings*These boots were made for stomping...

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Zombie hamsters are dangerous when roused, beware!

[rirekon.livejournal.com]

Probably more dangerous when they're arou... bad mind!

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

3.1415927sces :)

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

A strange sense of realisation will overcome you this week as the star you have been tracking to determine your love life turns out to be the International Space Station.
Life will take a strange turn for the better when your house is invaded by midgets from a circus side show who cause chaos for a week after a freak allergy to catnip makes them believe you are the next incarnation of the Messiah and they build you a conservatory as a shrine.
Tip of the week: Red light stop. Green light go.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Taurus. I'm full of bull.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

A job opportunity will unexpectedly come your way after your mobile number is misdialed by one of the Mafia for a drugs heist. Don't trust big Luigo, he'll sell you out first chance he gets.
Venus features strongly in your star sign this week as media coverage of the European space launch cancels your favourite program.
Your lucky drink this week is that dusty looking bottle of wine they've hidden behind the bar in your favourite pub, grab it when the barman goes to refill the peanuts.

[snowyfeline.livejournal.com]

libra.
:P

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Wings of change will come squarely into focus when a crow steals your hat.
The passage of mercury through your influence sphere should leave you very suspicious of any local water sources, use a filter if possible.
Time for you this week is endless, the hours seem to have no end and everything you organise will be easily completed within the time you allocate, much to everyone elses annoyance. On Thursday you will discover this is because your watch is broken.

[snowyfeline.livejournal.com]

my watch is broken to the point of it's inexistence. I refuse to wear one much to other's annoyance :)
maybe if I had a fob watch i'd use it.....

[briggsy.livejournal.com]

Sagicorn / Capritarius

I demand that all astrologers decide between then whether Capricorn starts on the 21st or 22nd December, and then they stick to it!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

As one of the dual star signs whose power is in wax you should be double careful this month.
Check both ways twice before you cross the road. Double check your bank statements. Re-read your emails before sending them and order only double spirit shots.
Your lucky building of the month is the pub. Your lucky time is 11:30.

[sunflowerinrain.livejournal.com]

Gemini

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

The twins are in focus this week as a long lost sibling knocks on your door and greets you. Your elation will quickly turn sour however after their age gives away their ruse and they turn out to be a double glazing salesman.
Your lucky charm this week is voodoo. Focus carefully on your tasks, write them down in a list and order them in priority before burning them over a keg of rum with essence of zombie.
Why is the rum gone? Well you should have drunk it from the barrel first.

Re: Hm.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Life is a topsy-turvy rollercoaster ride. At least it will be for you when your house is whisked away by a tornado. You will arrive in a faraway land where the language is strange, customs are bizarre and the world is wholly unfamiliar. The Isle of Wight can be intimidating for the uninitiated.

Re: Hm.

[areia.livejournal.com]

Ooo - I'm Aries and Dragon too... And my house was just whisked away (in a tornado-like bidding war) by our buyer. And I've just arrived in America, where (I'm sure you'll agree), the language is strange, customs are bizarre and the world is wholly unfamiliar.

That's amazing!!! You are truly a master astrologer!

Re: Hm.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

The planets are strong with me :)

[lovelyoliver.livejournal.com]

Gemini

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Handle questions carefully, the CIA have bugged your toaster once again and the mice are now in the pay of the KGB. Careful work between the two of them using the Mossad agents hidden under your radio can bring great rewards and a TV prime time slot as a host for "Spy vs Spy reality TV."

[wintrmute.livejournal.com]

Conviniently, I'm Capricorn, one of the few signs you haven't yet covered..

"Do me!"

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Same as me!

Life for you is one big game. Choose wisely as the points you score will eventually allow you to add robot arms, levitation abilities and three way blasting. Be carefree and happy - because you still have three credits left.
Finances will receive a boost when an archaeological team pays you to allow a dig in that ancient pot plant you've been keeping in your living room, however the roman temple they uncover will surprise everyone.