The marvellous mechanical randomness generator

[robinbloke]

Good morning ladies and germs, today for your delight and amusement I will be generating spontaneous rants, rambles or just outright piles of complete tosh on anything you care to ask about. Simply place a single word comment and I will vent, keep it clean, two towels to a fight and no biting the bagel before the whistle.

Comments

[pure-simon.livejournal.com]

Zombiepiratemonkeys!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Not enough of them these days, I can tell you. I can remember when the seas were full of monkeys, whole great sailing armadas of them. Wearing bri-nylon shirts and wearing hats so big you could lose a badger in them. And thats not all, oh no, for the seas weren't no safe place for monkey or man when the scourge of the seas, long tail cheetah put out from port - he'd thrown in his contract with Tarzan and gone for his own franchaise. About time most people thought, but thinking was the last thing on this pegleg simian's mind, grog and piracy were the name of the game - that is until Tarzan hired a voodoo priest to curse him to be a zombie until the end of his days - that'll teach him for breaking contract.
The moral of this tale? Don't mess with Hollywood.

[silja.livejournal.com]

Killerwhales!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Orcas.
Scourge of the penguin.
Scourge of the seal.
Not quite-so-much scourge of the polar bear.
Ladies and gentlemen of Avians for Control and Kingship. (ACK) I present to you the solution to our ancient enemy, I give you...
Penguin-Net

A vast array of 200,000 radar guided electro-fish in penguin-critical zones with hi-yield stunning capacity capable of stunning an orca from more than 30 feet. These fish form a network of protection for penguins everywhere from the evil Orcas, not to mention we're making a killing from the protection money we're getting from seals as well.
With this first development of technology penguins will be safe to waddle without fear of the ice under them cracking from a killer whale attack, penguins can rise up, be free, be counted and waddle where they want!
ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK!

[kittenonthekeys.livejournal.com]

Purple

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

There was chaos in the united colours of beniton today as purple was officially outlawed as a colour, with red and blue being officially drafted in to replace it. "This just goes to show what levels of dictorial rulership the UCOB is stamping onto the world now, what next, yellow?" reported a small blob of puce.
Around the world red T-Shirts are mobilizing to leap into washing machines and stain with extreme prejudice any offending purple item of clothing.

[velvetfox.livejournal.com]

gentle

For someone who should know who

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

'Twas like a breath of air
Or the kiss of snow
Warmth wrapped around
Holding close

Melting into a dream
Sinking deep under the waves
Distance and time all fade away
Leaving only you.

[taimatsu]

ribbons.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

First attempt, but "ribbions" are difficult to rhyme with...

A young girl all covered in ribbons
Found jobs for endangered gibbons
"They're really quite good
at serving you food,
...

Take two

Ribbons are silky and bright,
they can tie someone up late at night,
It's not quite what they're for
but it's daft to ignore
ways to hold someone down for a bite.

[kinkykay.livejournal.com]

Socks

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

5:15am
I wake up. I can hear them moving again, under the bed. I pull the covers under my chin and make sure none of the duvet is hanging over the edge of the bed, it all looks safe but I can still hear the movement, I can see that the lid on the washbasket has fallen off... they've escaped, who knows what they're doing. I've heard tales, tales of people who were found dead in bed under a pile of underware, underware gone bad. Socks. Socks gone bad. I could hear what was possibly a bandsaw starting up under the bed, I think they're trying to saw through the legs...
I really should have washed them last month.

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

Dance.

E.
x

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Slowly the music starts, theres a moment where I pause, eyes closed as the first note touches me. The searching reaches inside as the first, then second chord jarr through memories past and the vast list of songs I have know.
Feet tap, legs carry me almost subconciously onward to the dance floor and without thought or word it flows through me.
Spinning. Moving. Turning. Stepping. Waving. Feeling.
Music all around like a dancers holding my hands in time to the beat.
Slave to the rhythm. Chained to the noise. Shackled to each note as it pulls me one way and then another.
The music fades, and the dance is over.

[crocodilewings.livejournal.com]

Skin.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Control, this is Condor 57; we have a hostile bogie ahead, target is class C intruder and can be considered armed and hostile.
Control here, Condor 57, we are scrambling additional birds to support you, estimated arrival after launch within T+15. Engage hostile. Repeat engage hostile.
Roger Control, target aquired, baring 020 degrees, 45 slope ahead. Turning and arming warhead.
Roger Condor 57, we are scrambling now, good luck
This is it, the moment they trained you for, when you'd have to defend the base and attack the enemy with the latest in technology. You'd never used this before - sure you'd seen the simulations and talked to the other who'd done this many times before, but you didn't know how it worked - or what effect it'd have on the enemy - especially not one like this - class C, the most dangerous.
Getting closer now, it's spotted me; the defenses are up; minimal shielding to target area and the distraction pattern Alpha niner, it's working... getting closer.
Stay on target.
There, armed, target in range and...
OWWWWWWWW!!!!
Success! Defense area penetrated, and I'm away as the rest of the squadron arrives. The armour was no defense at all! A successful strike!

Swat, swat swat.
Bastard wasps, why can't I have thicker skin?

[ishmaela.livejournal.com]

Platypi!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'd ever see
a platypi like me
they're small and brown and silly
actually now I think about it, really
We're quite alike, don't you agree?