(no subject)

[robinbloke]

The last wisp of smoke curled away from the end of the cigarette, the red ember spluttering in the murky oil of the liquid on the floor.
"That only works in movies." said the voice from the other side of the garage, his point emphasided by the all too real barrel of the automatic he was holding.
The figure at the other side of the pool of petrol crouched, tensing for the moment, but the sudden sharp barking retort from the gun gave no warning.
The sound of the empty shell casing hitting the floor was drowned out by the much louder thump of a body falling onto the concrete.

Comments

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Interesting.
One point of critique: "the all too real barrel of the short barrel automatic" sounds really awkward.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

~nod~ Thanks.

It was a "snubnose revolver" before, but then I changed it because I wanted a shell casing to hit the floor, which you don't get with six shooters.

I broke my rule of not repeating words in sentences, or indeed in nearby sentences.

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

maybe "the all too real muzzle/presence/threat of ..." or something along those lines would work better?
As strange as it may sound, I can tell when something doesn't work but it's very hard for me to actually write something nice...

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Oh, and that new icon would have been perfect for that post. ;o)

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Can't seem to upload it at the moment :(

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Is it too big? It's exactly 40KB and LJ sometimes has trouble with that.
I'll see if I can resample it a bit tonight.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Nope; my connection was timing out on upload, I suspect it's the work link being pants.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Ha! Finally worked, thanks :D

[notintheseheels.livejournal.com]

That's a brilliant icon!

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

It's just a rough for the time being, I need to get rid of some of the crap in the background...

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

As done by karohemd of me in my 'hitman' shoot :)

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, I hadn't seen that icon before.

I mean, I'd say something about the writing, but by the time I'd clicked on the cut tag my brain had already shut down because of the icon. :) Also because of the migraine. But mostly because of the icon.

E.
x

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

I've only just added it, lj was being arsey about uploading it.
karohemd has a load of pictures from the 'hitman' style photo shoot he did of me, muhaha!

And boo to migraines, boo to them with sock puppets!