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robinblokeSince the dawn of humanity, creation, nay time itself the universe has been plagued with a fundamental conundrum. One that has left the greatest thinkers and wisest minds of history scratching their heads and ultimately at a loss of what to do.
In the time of the great Greek philosophers, decades were known to have been lost in pursuit of a solution; the descent of the dark ages upon western Europe are suspected to have been all because of a failed bid to solve it; JFK himself is known to have been ready with a secret address to congress with a solution for the problem when he was assassinated.
But now, after millennia of queries, questions and pondering I have a solution to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything...
Why don't my socks ever match up?
For yes, I have a solution so cunning, so simple that it will shake the very bedrock of civilisation itself.
This very evening I will hold an purge of all socks1 in my house. No sock will escape; every single one will be rounded up - be they in wash bin, on a drying line or hidden in a drawer somewhere. Even the floor will be scoured for any sock that might try to hide.
They will be herded out to a place of quiet tranquillity, music of quiet mood and gentle ambiance will be played to ensure that they are completely relaxed and their fate that will follow entirely humane2.
Then I will slaughter them, every one. Each and every sock will be destroyed utterly, torn to shreds and pieces to ensure that not a single one remains whole to return to the drawer and cause the problem to arise once more. Once utterly dead they will be placed in a sterile opaque black plastic bag and placed outside, in the bin, for the day they are taken away forever.
For, in replacement and kept at an entirely different location in a sealed airtight container I will have, in readiness, 10 pairs of entirely new perfectly matched black socks. These socks will be brought into the drawer with songs of cheerful delight, music of up-tempo beat and a soothing, friendly air to welcome them into a loving, caring society. A veritable sock paradise.
All memory of the socks of yesteryear will be erased, it will be as if they never lived.
Officially the government will deny their existence. Conspiracy theories may arise but they will be ruthlessly quashed.
Only the new socks will remain.
1 Well, all black socks. Trying to solve the problem of the black sock/white sock mix-up crisis is beyond even me.
2 Or sockane?
In the time of the great Greek philosophers, decades were known to have been lost in pursuit of a solution; the descent of the dark ages upon western Europe are suspected to have been all because of a failed bid to solve it; JFK himself is known to have been ready with a secret address to congress with a solution for the problem when he was assassinated.
But now, after millennia of queries, questions and pondering I have a solution to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything...
Why don't my socks ever match up?
For yes, I have a solution so cunning, so simple that it will shake the very bedrock of civilisation itself.
This very evening I will hold an purge of all socks1 in my house. No sock will escape; every single one will be rounded up - be they in wash bin, on a drying line or hidden in a drawer somewhere. Even the floor will be scoured for any sock that might try to hide.
They will be herded out to a place of quiet tranquillity, music of quiet mood and gentle ambiance will be played to ensure that they are completely relaxed and their fate that will follow entirely humane2.
Then I will slaughter them, every one. Each and every sock will be destroyed utterly, torn to shreds and pieces to ensure that not a single one remains whole to return to the drawer and cause the problem to arise once more. Once utterly dead they will be placed in a sterile opaque black plastic bag and placed outside, in the bin, for the day they are taken away forever.
For, in replacement and kept at an entirely different location in a sealed airtight container I will have, in readiness, 10 pairs of entirely new perfectly matched black socks. These socks will be brought into the drawer with songs of cheerful delight, music of up-tempo beat and a soothing, friendly air to welcome them into a loving, caring society. A veritable sock paradise.
All memory of the socks of yesteryear will be erased, it will be as if they never lived.
Officially the government will deny their existence. Conspiracy theories may arise but they will be ruthlessly quashed.
Only the new socks will remain.
1 Well, all black socks. Trying to solve the problem of the black sock/white sock mix-up crisis is beyond even me.
2 Or sockane?
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