Honesty meme

[robinbloke]

Okay, it's an emerging trend, so I'll jump on the bandwagon.

Ask me for my brutally honest opinion of any vegetable, except yourself or anyone famous, that I know and I will froth and rant.

Comments

[rich-redcap.livejournal.com]

sprouts

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Sprouts? Sprouts? Sprouts?
Sprouts are evil little balls of pure disgustingness, not only are they guilty of repeatedly ruining what would otherwise be a fine roast dinner with the evil stench they emit, but whats more they talk about you behind your back - I heard them, they're plotting the downfall of society itself, and indeed the world. If sprouts had the button, they'd push it - believe me.

Re:

[rich-redcap.livejournal.com]

*falls over laughing*

[adze.livejournal.com]

cauliflower

Brassica oleracea botrytis

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Cauliflower notable for being doubly pointless in that you can only eat part of it in the first place, and that so-called edible bit being entirely disgusting anyway. What's more it also lurks behind bike sheds and spray paints 'get it here' along with anyones phone number it can get hold of. Cauliflower sends you wooly jumpers even your granny wouldn't pick for you for Christmas, Cauliflower talks loudly in movies and tells you who the bad guy is in the film you've never seen before. Face it, it's evil.

[nisaba.livejournal.com]

Courgettes!

Oh come on, someone had to say it...

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Courgettes are only useful for obscure camgoth photo references - you either get that or you don't. When they're not starring in photos courgettes hang out in the sleazy side of town wearing short skirts and badly applied lipstick, they're the streetwalkers of the vegetable world and frankly you should worry about where they've been before you even look at one.

[nisaba.livejournal.com]

When I see one in the hands of a camgoth, I do...

Besides, the whole gory story of the courgette is laid bare on the web for anyone to see, if you happen to be bored enough to go searching for it.

You'd have to be very very bored. It was very much a location joke.

[raggedyman.livejournal.com]

Parsnips

Pastinaca sativa

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Parsnips in insideous, sneaky and traitorous, they pretend to be that which they are not, which is to say the glory that is the potato (a member of the root/chip family, incidentally). A little known fact is that Julius Caesar was in fact assassinated by a parsnip, not a dagger and that Brutus had been put up to the whole dastardly deed by the parsnip in the first place. The FBI have been investigating leads that it was in fact a parsnip behind the grassy knoll in '63.

[omentide.livejournal.com]

Aubergines.

Solanum melongena

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Aubergines are the deadly nightshade of the vegetable world. Seemingly harmless and amusingly coloured they lurk behind corners and mug people in gangs. Aubergines have been known to disguise themselves as members of the royal family and it is known that both the triad and the mafia have Aubergine connections.

[kinkykay.livejournal.com]

Carrots?

Daucus carota sativa

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Carrots are like gremlins, sneaky and insidious. They lurk under other foods, like the humble chip, and leap out at you giving your taste buds a nasty shock. Carrots are fond of sneaking into bedrooms at night and stealing socks from your clothing drawers, leaving you only with odd pairs. They also like to swap the labels on decaff and normal coffee. Never trust a carrot.

[emperor]

mushrooms! [yes, I know, not *strictly* a vegetable, but :p]

Oh, and are there any vegetables you do like beyond potatoes?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Vegetables are from the 'chip' family of foodstuffs, and are not whatsoever, in any way shape or form, vegetables.

Mushrooms, mushrooms I've briefly mentioned below, but let me add that they are also deviants and plain wrong in many disturbing ways. Mushrooms like to take embarassing pictures of people and post them on internet sites. Mushrooms are the sort of thing that remove the last three pages from a murder-mystery book, remove the vital piece from your favourite boardgame and change the combinations on your locks. They are wrong wrong wrong!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Erm, that should be 'potatoes are from the 'chip' family of foodstuffs, and are not whatsoever, in any way shape or form, vegetables.'

and nope, I don't eat any veggies. I am held together entirely by artificial preservatives.

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Celeriac

Apium graveolens rapaceum

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Not content with being the root from what is likely the most pointless vegetable ever (celery), Celeriac further heads down the road to sadness by being even more worthless than it's progenitor. Celeriac is a keen trainspotter, likes to wear duffel coats and collect interesting ring-pulls from coke cans. Celeriac likes to ensure that road markings are a uniform length and that rulers are exactly correctly sized. It is possibly the least interesting thing on the planet.

A Slight Digression

[(Anonymous)]

I once had a 2 hour debate with colleagues that subsequently spawned a multi-week investigation and the ability to cause minor screaming at the very mention of the subject, to whit:

What is the difference between a vegetable and a fruit?
Where is that line actually drawn???
Is a mushroom animal or vegetable (and if you think I'm kidding check it out!)??????

K.Kinnison - Lensman: second-stage.

Re: A Slight Digression

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

For me the classification for the three boils down to these simple rules :-

Vegetable: Something I won't eat
Fruit: Something I will consider eating, in some form.
Mushroom: Something that is traditionally grown in sh*t.

Fruits are (something like) the body of a reproductive part of the plant, ie something wrapped around the seeds; vegetables are parts or seeds of a plant. Or something.
Mushrooms are just plain wrong and evil, they typically wear oversized shoes, jump queues and wear odd socks.