Poking Diabetes with a stick

[robinbloke]

Roll up, roll up; get yer horoscopes here, nice shiny new horoscopes the like o' which the world 'as never seen¹. Whoops, watch your hand there madam, that ones got a bit of a bite on 'im, nasty little bugger that. Pick yer horoscope here, we have all sizes shapes and colours catered for every occasion! Heading out for the night, well may I recommend the sardonic yet hopeful horoscope in the corner, yes I know he's growling sir but that's just his way of showing affection. Lovely little beastie once you get used to his teeth on your arm, and yes madam he does come in purple as well.

Yes indeedy folks, the world of sugar once again presents you with the opportunity to have innane drivel generated about whatever I happen to be hallucinating highly meaningful aspects of your life, times and toupee. As horoscopes are the medium of analysing the planets as they effect your daily life and social interactions so are sugarscopes the way of analysing how sugar effects your digestion, brain, fear of the number 3 and kinky relationship with maple syrup.

This offer lasts until I break² and scarf down 52.5g of sugar, glucose syrup, fruit juices from concentrate (25%) and a variety of other less savoury ingredients churned together in a soulless mechanical manufacturing plant for my own personal delight.

Just put down an appeal to the sugar along with your favourite carbohydrate packed foodstuff and, well, something will happen.

Oooo trisodium citrate, yummy.




1 With no apologies whatsoever to The onion
2 Before 11/2007 at the latest, or the stuff will go off. Although I'll be lucky if I make 2 pm today frankly.
3 I have sand in my ear

Disclaimer: All this said I have, believe it or not, been cutting down on my daily sugar intake in order to be vaguely sensible about this whole thing and so that my <insert internal organ here> doesn't explode screaming in a flaming ball of marshmallows.

Comments

[deborah_c]

O wonderful sugar, divine my future through your most worthy acolyte

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Your sign is shining through glucose, this is the moment to cease opportunity by the throat and vigorously shake it whilst screaming "Why does everything fall down the back of my sofa?"

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

Me please, me please

Taurus, 10th May :)

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

You will meet a tall dark stranger. Remember to change the light bulbs in your house and invest in a ladder. While you're about it do something about those cobwebs and that small tribe of pygmies in your garden, the government knows about them after all and sooner or later are going to raise your council tax in proportion to occupants.

[tooth-fairy.livejournal.com]

The Pygmies stay!

[the-magician.livejournal.com]

Oh might and sweet sugar and sugar laden products ...

... what should I do to prepare for my fan fund trip to the Japanese Worldcon?

And do they have diet coke over there?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Today is an auspicious day, tomorrow is looking pretty good too provided you bribe me with enough sugar. Your lucky colour is blue and your lottery numbers are a guaranteed win, providing you can work out which lottery they are lucky in.

[squirmelia.livejournal.com]

Sugarscope, yeah, what is my sugarscope for the day, sugar?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

The constellation of the mismatched sock is particularly strong with you today, although in no way comparable to the force you will however be a foot-fashion disaster beyond the means of any world power to solve. Enjoy the power while you can.

[squirmelia.livejournal.com]

Argh, my horoscope on Free Will Astrology also seems to be footwear related!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

It's all pointing towards strange things afoot...

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Sugar, ah honey honey
gimme some candy, girl boy...

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Today revolving doors are not your friend. Watch for stair lifts and by all that is sacred to <insert diety/chocolate bar here> watch out for escalators. You see that one over there? An old man was caught under it last year and he's been living on discarded mars bars ever since.

[ragnvaeig.livejournal.com]

I have a closet passing fancy about swimming in a giant vat of marshmallows, though I don't believe any of your vittles were part of the plan.

Libra with cinnamon, please?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

The marshmallow is a positive sign that indicates compassion, warmth, adhesion to any known surface and a fear of being stuck of a skewer. Your empathy with the marshmallow should be carefully considered when meeting new people, consider the ratios of egg, milk and butter carefully before putting the pie in their face.

[katzenfabrik.livejournal.com]

Hello! I'm a Leo and have a Marillion album all burnt onto CD for you, are you likely to be at the Calling/WUS/can't remember which one it is on Tuesday?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Hello! A pre-emptive thank you for the CD; I'll burn a copy of radiation for you as soon as. I shall be at the Calling on Tuesday barring rabid squirrel attacks, meteor strikes, etc.

~

Today is a great day to learn ventriloquism, specifically so that you can make squishing noises when people walk by in time with their footsteps. In the mean time follow your dream, but not too closely as it has ABS and brakes without warning.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Hello! Nice to see you again yesterday, even if I had to run off before I turned into a pumpkin, so to speak.

I've been listening to Marbles and it's got a nice flow to it. I'll need to listen to it a bit more to decide on firm favourites, but so far Angelina and Neverland are looking to be my pick from the album. Thanks very much for it!

I seem to remember you mentioning liking Devo and talking about the Tank Girl soundtrack which had one of their songs on it (music produced by Courtney Love, if I remember correctly) which I've uploaded for you to have a listen to here - it's a good stompy track.