Warnings from the world of tommorrow

[robinbloke]

Now, I'm not one to rant (am I?) but here’s a little snippet brought on by a warning I saw today.

KEEP AWAY FROM FIRE

Now this warning was on a pair of boxer shorts... which made me wonder, what kind of lunatic is going to expose their underwear to naked flames? I for one have absolutely no intention whatsoever of anything hot and flamey going anywhere near my delicates, thank you very much. But the very fact this warning is here, and you know I'm right, means that somewhere, somehow. really and unquestionably someone decided to set their pants¹ on fire and as a result all cotton pants had to be labelled with a warning against this sort of thing.
"Steady on." I hear you say², "Surely this is just preventative, after all I'm sure other clothes have this sort of warning."
Really now? Well, I did an inventory check of warnings after this - it's the sort of thing you have to do - especially checking other 100% cotton items. Socks? Nope, no warning, shirt? Nope, Trousers³ Nope! So I think I can safely conclude hypothesis no.1, i.e. loony with his pants on fire, is the correct assumption.
I think we can only hope that after this incident they removed any chance of them ever continuing to add to the gene pool.

But this is definitely going to add to the preventative side of warning, sooner or later it'll all boil down to something like this...

Spotlight on 2020...

<Wavey spookey effects>

Customer: Good afternoon, I'd like to buy that pencil there.
Salesguy: Certainly sir, that will be three groats please.
Customer: There you are. (clink)
Salesguy: Thank you sir, now if sir would please read this and sign here.
Customer: I beg pardon?
Salesguy: The safety warnings and disclaimers sir, for your pencil.
Customer: Disclaimers?
Salesguy: Yes sir, you are now in possession of a type 3 offensive weapon, and as such I am required by law to take your home address, date of birth, various other details and warn you of all dangers pertaining to the use of said pencil.
Customer: (looks at the disclaimer) That’s 20 pages thick!
Salesguy: Well, it is only the safety warnings document sir, there are three others to sign; The registration of a dangerous weapon (a second pile of forms thump onto the desk), the competency to write exam (thump) and the medical forms regarding pencil based allergies and health risks (THUMP) sir.
Customer: You have to be kidding me.
Salesguy: I'm deadly serious sir, it's more than my jobs worth to let you out of this shop without reading and signing these forms.
Customer: Well sod that, I'm out of here. (leaves)
Salesguy: Sir! SIR! (presses button, klaxon sounds)
Klaxon: Warning, Warning! We have a unlicensed pencil in the street. Everyone please immediately go to the nearest emergency shelters. Do not attempt to draw anything or approach the pencil wielder. This is not a drill.
Customer: Eeep!

</Wavey spookey effects>

It'll happen, trust me.



1 That’s underwear for you strange types from the U S o' A.
2 Damn I've got good hearing.
3 Aka Pants for you people 'over there'.

Comments

[silja.livejournal.com]

Aaaack!
The Penguin of Death

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Ack! :) I have that card.

[silja.livejournal.com]

Aaack- but did you ever sit down and list the 412 ways to kill, like they do on that website?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

They're only up to 70 or so... we could add more :)

[twentypence.livejournal.com]

So I think I can safely conclude hypothesis no.1, i.e. loony with his pants on fire, is the correct assumption.

Your hypothesis that he was indeed a looney is invalid, because you failed to consider that he could simply have been lying to someone. :o)

Very, very, sorry.

[hawkida.livejournal.com]

Last year in Ireland we ordered steak at the restaurant we were staying in. They asked how we wanted it and went away when we said "rare". Before they came back with the steak they arrived at the table bearing a disclaimer form and a pen which they required us to use to indemnify them against killing us with meat products. I didn't try buying a pencil off them. Perhaps I should have.

[hawkida.livejournal.com]

And nobody questioned that I was staying in a restaurant? Weird... I actually meant to say the restaurant at the hotel we were staying in.

Here's proof, anyway, because people's jaws tend to drop when I tell this tale:

[mattp.livejournal.com]

Maybe someone tried igniting a fart when wearing a pair :-)

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Bras have it too, as far as I recall. It's because underwear can be envisaged getting thrown across rooms containing lighted candles in an overdramatic way, whereas if you try that with a pair of trousers or a shirt the arms and legs hit you in the face and it falls on the floor less than a foot from your toes. Socks are also not terribly good throwing candidates, being, well, socks.

Or maybe it's just a warning to stupid people. Stupid people wear pants whatever else they wear. What better place to offer casual advice such as "Falling bricks may cause bruising", "Do not jump out of windows", and "Keep away from fire"? Not forgetting the immortal "Keep away from children and animals" on the packaging of anything that comes in a plastic bag. Brilliant advice, I follow it most of the time.

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Maybe someone tried to dry them over a fire?
However, I could have understood it on poly material but cotton?

For a seventies party once, I wore one of my dad's old shirts which was 100% polyester. I made sure I didn't go anywhere near burning cigarettes that evening for the fear of wearing that - lime green - shirt for the rest of my life (embedded into my skin)...

[the-mendicant.livejournal.com]

Actually someone either on my friends list or linked to someone, set fire to his foreskin when bored a year or two back - in the vein of 'I wondered what would happen!'

[whotheheckami.livejournal.com]

That would be Censored