Peaches in a palmageddon

[robinbloke]

Caution; This got way more angsty than I expected, you'd be better off reading Sinfest or something.

One of the problems of being a agnostic cynic is that your life is marked by the essential question 'well is there any point?' There’s no great revelation or rebirth to look forward to, no heaven or hell and at the end bam, you're worm food. Temporal success or achievements have to be your goal, or positive emotional life content.

Another personal milestone in the orbit of the planet is fast approaching and I wonder where and what I'm doing; what I've done and if it's been worth it, if my morals, standards and choices have been right, if I've helped as much as I can or been unreasonable too much. With no almighty to set the standards the final judge for your life ends up being yourself, no matter what the state, friends and reality in general says, you have to be able to look at what and who you are and judge. Judge and jury. Execution comes later, one way or another.

So am I where I thought I'd be, 1, 2, 10, 20 years ago? Have I achieved what I wanted, do I have the life I want. This is probably increasingly for people around the world a large 'no'; TV and films paint pictures of lives we can't have, money we'll never see and places we'll never go. Realistic goals are the order of the day, setting them and achieving them is the way to go, but there’s always that one goal that keeps slipping away, least for me. Maybe it's everyone, maybe you need something you can never have - even if it should be achievable within realistic parameters of your existance, you need something to keep trying for and failing at to keep you driving on, keep you having a sense of purpose, of reason or self. With no divine entity the final judge of your worth is you.

Perhaps we've come too far; and our world and society are now sprawling out far too far for our minds to cope with; we pride(?) ourselves that we are the most intelligent species on the planet, but our reach and sight have extended so far beyond the simple goals of the whole hunter-gatherer existance that now there is simply far too much information, concepts, ideas and places for us to ever understand at once. Even all the languages of the world are simply beyond comprehension for one individual. And the further you look out the smaller and more pointless you become; take a light year step in any direction and everything on this planet can be compacted down to a few fuzzy radio waves lost in a wash of background radiation.

I envy those with belief sometimes, they have something I don't have and I just can't seem to find; there’s been no spark, no sign, or ghost or feeling no thought or reason, no... well, you get the idea. There’s nothing to make me see anything beyond the fundamental changes in a few bazillion molecules floating around a gravity pocket from a giant fusion source. They see things I don't, they have reason beyond self without society; yes, I believe in at least a reason for morals for producing more of a working society, but there is no great plan, no hidden forces for me. No reason for me to exist beyond the random couplings of chemicals stretching back millions of years.

Meh, cheerful bugger ain't I this morning?

So what then, am I just a product of evolution, trying to justify the emotional content of my mind that is nothing more than the programming me for to survive and pass on my genetic material? Am "I" anything at all. Greater minds than mine have struggled through the centuries to ask these and other similar questions and we're still closer to understanding how to blow things up in a hundred thousand ways than we are to understanding what the thing between our ears does.
It's my birthday soon, another tooth on the cog.

Comments

[scy11a.livejournal.com]

Put some more 80s cheese into the CD drive and revel in those days of blissful ignorance once more.

And here's another goal to aspire to - put some blank line between paragraphs and make it easier for us mere mortals to digest your morsels of revelation : P

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Blank lines inserted; however a friend has just sent me 'raindrops keep falling on my head' as played by a dot matrix printer, you hear me correctly.
It's quite bizarre.

[razornet.livejournal.com]

Got your wibble back then?

Seriously mate your life goals, at least the ones, I'm aware of are not unobtainable. You attain some of them every day; you make people laugh, you are an excellent and selfless friend, you care about people and those that know you lives are that much easier for for it. This is one of your stated goals and you attain it every day when you post something amusing, or invite people round to watch movies, or listen to someones tale of woe with a sympathetic ear or tell someone he's a fool for doing something stupid.

Your life has flaws, but then again, whose doesn't? The fact that some of things you want seem out of reach should blind you to what you have achieved, and frankly I truly believe that you will find the other things you are looking for, probably quite soon. You certainly deserve them.

Oh and don't forget, your mates are coming round tomorrow to remind you of all this and give you nice things so you'll remember it.

So cheer up and write that damn theme tune, I'm waiting!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Cheers matey, and I'll work on that song :)

NP: Inbetween days - The Cure

[ishmaela.livejournal.com]

I can attest to one of your achievements.

There are not many people on this planet that I would have as a guest in my home without ever having seen them "in person" first. You are one of the few who rated such an honor.

This is because you rock muchly.

In the immortal words of...Bill and Ted, or Jeff Spicoli, or whoever the hell used it first...

Rock on, dude.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

You rock, as does your icon :)

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

~smile~ ~hugs~ Gloomy as it may be, I think you've got rather a lot of it nailed in this post. I wish I could say something helpful, but other than list the many (many, many) ways in which you've made my tiny life a better place - which isn't really what you're aiming at - I don't think I can.

I'm immeasurably and increasingly glad to know you, though.

Now put some music on and cheer up, you daft sod. :)

E.
x

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much ~hugs~ :)

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

~shrug~ "As lost as I get I will find you", and that. :)

E.
x

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

~smile~

"And when she shines she really shows you all she can"

Not that I'm listening to Duran at all, oh no...

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

Of course not, because you'd never be caught doing that, now would you? ~hugs~

"...it means so much to me
Like a birthday or a pretty view
But then I'm sure that you know it's just for you..."

E.
x

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Certainly not at a gig or anything, nope, nope.

"Oh the things that you say. Is it life or just a play my worries away? You're all the things I've got to remember."

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

Of course not. Especially not with me. :)

E.
x

"i know it's not the right thing
and i know it's not the good thing
but kinda i want to"

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Of course not, perish the thought!

"You say I'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind
Both of us searching for some perfect world we know we'll never find..."

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

There doesn't seem to be anything more appropriate than just to continue :

"...so perhaps I should leave here,
Yeah, go far away,
But you know that there's nowhere that I'd rather be than with you here today..."

E.
x

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

~s~ Sometimes the lyrics just flow nicely on.

[drpyrojames.livejournal.com]

I try not to worry about stuff like that. Have ambitions, judge your life by your ambitions, and how much of them you have obtained. I think that you should always be about 50% of the way to achieving them. If you manage to achieve all your ambitions at some point, you end up lost with nowhere to go and nothing to do. If you haven't achieved any of your ambitions you end up depressed. The former of these catches me out more often than the later. Not because I am particularly good at achieving stuff, but rather than I set my sights too low, or get wrapped up in short term things rather looking at the big picture.

[philw.livejournal.com]

Probably better off not dragging ME into this debate. ;-)

On the plus side I'll see you tomorrow with pressies and good cheer.
Au revoir fellow DNA container and replicator...