robinbloke | Standard disclaimers apply

Ah the futility of existence, the inherent entropy and pointlessness of the universe which means we'll all become just clouds of vapid dust and gas spinning wildly around in a burnt out nothingness of a universe.
Still, gotta grin, eh?
I was ruminating various things (to be appearing in a

randomnonsense post soon) last night in a post profiterole induced haze and after my brain sidetracked itself several times I found myself dangerously considering several points which might almost be considered to be relevant to existance. Or at least something brain heavy enough to put me to sleep. The questions being...
What do I want to do before I die?
What do I want from life?
What do I need from life?
What is the point of life?
The last, in my own mind at least, being partially 'trick'¹ question; in that there is -no- point⁴ beyond your requirement as far as the species is concerned to reproduce. Anything beyond that is your own interpretation, a somewhat limited view perhaps but I was tired and full of chocolate.
Mmmmm, chocolate.
The other three, more tricky, the third would boil down to the old clichés of 'health, wealth and happiness'. Which arguably the last one should supplant the middle, but as a rabid materialist money is something that I kind of like to have oodles of. The second is something I keep thinking about. Life has (I have found) a tendency to give you what you wish for, when you don't want it - or don't understand what you are asking for. I don't think this is so much any kind of fate, karma or divine precedent, more an extension of Murphy's law - which is quite probably the only universal constant. I have no answer for this yet, I keep thinking I'm approaching an answer and ask it (out loud, just to hear myself say it) but then when it happens I realise it's not. Perhaps what I want keeps changing or I do. Or I'll never know. Or it's simply unobtainable given the worlds painted for me on TV and movie screens over and over showing crystal cut caricatures dancing to scripts written for all manner of reasons other than to depict what my life is about or needs. This of course ignores point 4, in that there is no point, so why am I, essentially, looking for one? Acceptance of point four gives rise to a requirement to focus myself somewhere at least rather than looking at myself and saying "Everything you ever do is ultimately pointless", which isn't exactly any way to live your life. One way, maybe, of dealing with this is accepting that my contribution to the universe is temporal and that therefore I cannot accept goals or constraints that exist outside this timeslice I have (been²) allocated.
I'm working backwards here on the points, I do this in magazines. Read them backwards that is. I have no real idea why³.
So the first point rears it's ugly head, questions about what I want to do before I die - which is really about all the other points, since it dictates what direction and actions I want to do before I snuff it. Without answering the other questions can I really answer this one? I know some things I want to do before I cark it, but not a whole checklist. I think, actually, I don't want a full list of things I want to do. I want to keep adding things to this list and keep wanting and experiencing more things all the time until right up to the point I make my final pun and death rattle to the groans of people around me as the pun clicks in their mind - and this is a step for me, the wanting more points. There was a time, not too long ago, that I had experienced something that was... beyond words, and it was a moment I think I could have died in, or more likely after. This of course would have been hideously inconviant for everyone else concerned around at that time but I felt that that moment I had peaked, in a way, and experienced something wonderful. But now, dammit, I want more moments and I'm going to get out there and experience more things - I'm not dead yet you know.

This has been a paid-for-view broadcast, your account has been billed.

1 I loathe this word sometimes⁵, especially in films; whenever a character looks at another and says "Don't try to trick me." I give a mental shudder that the writer really wasn't making an effort at that point, or that the character needs a slapping.
2 Certain ways of thinking in this sentence require or do not require this word at this point.
3 I am not, however, one of 'those' people who reads the last pages of a book to find out what happens before they read it. That sort of thing annoys me.
4 In my ultimately cynical world view.
5 Not as much as I loathe the word 'lowly'.