Horoscopes...
Sep. 5th, 2001 09:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
robinblokeThrough careful consideration of the astrological signs (I looked at the moon last night) investigation of factors effecting the planets (I played warheads) and digestion of vital factors of life (I ate bran flakes this morning) I present your horoscope for the next year...
~
Aries: (March 21 April 19)
Now is the time of decision in your life, consider the impact of your heart as well as your future.
Taurus: (April. 20 May 20)
Financial matters are causing you grief, manage your money and you will feel better for it.
Gemini: (May 21 June 21)
Your partner has been trying to tell you something, help them to talk to increase the understanding between you both.
Cancer: (June 22 July 22)
Your problems are getting you down, take a break from everything, get away and relax.
Leo: (July 23 Aug. 22)
A chance meeting with an old friend will open the opportunity for new friendships.
Virgo: (Aug. 23 Sept. 22)
Family matters are a strong concern at the moment, reconcilliation may be hard but worth it.
Libra: (Sept. 23 Oct. 23)
Travel is causing you trouble, ensure that you organise everything well in advance to leave nothing to chance.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24 Nov. 21)
The stars are quiet, and so are you, you need to get out more and express yourself before you fall into solitude.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 Dec. 21)
Life is causing you pains, find things you can enjoy to relieve it.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 Jan. 19)
Work is causing you stress, look to your co-workers to assist you with your troubles, you will be surprised.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 Feb. 18)
Feelings have been difficult for you of late, bottling them up inside is not the answer, express them and unburden yourself.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 March 20)
Each day is a new opportunity, it's time to start a new chapter and start making the most of them.
~
Disclaimer
These have all been made up in approximately 5 seconds each, I don't believe in horoscopes as I in no way believe that a large ball of fusion generating gas several thousand light years away can have any effect whatsoever on my social life. And as such this is intended to be a somewhat cynical parady to highlight the fact that simple statements produced by most horoscopes can be applied to virtually anyones life with enough vagueness therein. That said you control your life, you make your choices. I accept no responsibility for anyone, anything or anywhere damaged, mutilated, confused, poked, prodded, sued, struck by lightning, turned in pop-tarts, roasted, basted in olive-oil, sliced in two, sent to mongolia, employed by micro$oft, rejected from college, impersonating a chicken, given stomach ache, and/or anything else ever as a result of my advice, my influence, my mind-control lasers, my actions, words or deeds. So there.
~
Aries: (March 21 April 19)
Now is the time of decision in your life, consider the impact of your heart as well as your future.
Taurus: (April. 20 May 20)
Financial matters are causing you grief, manage your money and you will feel better for it.
Gemini: (May 21 June 21)
Your partner has been trying to tell you something, help them to talk to increase the understanding between you both.
Cancer: (June 22 July 22)
Your problems are getting you down, take a break from everything, get away and relax.
Leo: (July 23 Aug. 22)
A chance meeting with an old friend will open the opportunity for new friendships.
Virgo: (Aug. 23 Sept. 22)
Family matters are a strong concern at the moment, reconcilliation may be hard but worth it.
Libra: (Sept. 23 Oct. 23)
Travel is causing you trouble, ensure that you organise everything well in advance to leave nothing to chance.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24 Nov. 21)
The stars are quiet, and so are you, you need to get out more and express yourself before you fall into solitude.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 Dec. 21)
Life is causing you pains, find things you can enjoy to relieve it.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 Jan. 19)
Work is causing you stress, look to your co-workers to assist you with your troubles, you will be surprised.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 Feb. 18)
Feelings have been difficult for you of late, bottling them up inside is not the answer, express them and unburden yourself.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 March 20)
Each day is a new opportunity, it's time to start a new chapter and start making the most of them.
~
Disclaimer
These have all been made up in approximately 5 seconds each, I don't believe in horoscopes as I in no way believe that a large ball of fusion generating gas several thousand light years away can have any effect whatsoever on my social life. And as such this is intended to be a somewhat cynical parady to highlight the fact that simple statements produced by most horoscopes can be applied to virtually anyones life with enough vagueness therein. That said you control your life, you make your choices. I accept no responsibility for anyone, anything or anywhere damaged, mutilated, confused, poked, prodded, sued, struck by lightning, turned in pop-tarts, roasted, basted in olive-oil, sliced in two, sent to mongolia, employed by micro$oft, rejected from college, impersonating a chicken, given stomach ache, and/or anything else ever as a result of my advice, my influence, my mind-control lasers, my actions, words or deeds. So there.
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no subject
Date: 2001-09-05 11:58 am (UTC)see also Wierd Al - Your Horoscope for today...
Steph
no subject
Date: 2001-09-07 01:14 am (UTC)Capricorn : "The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person... but you know they're lying"
Excellent
no subject
Date: 2001-09-07 01:34 am (UTC)Leo:
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and stable it to your boss's face, oh no!
eat a bucket of tuna flavour pudding and wash it down with strawberry quick
its very very cool...