It's all in the mind...

[robinbloke]

Presenting the all singing, all dancing, half finnish by birth, twelve pack special edition on rye with egg and mayo all new and amazing stunningly impressive and entirely accurate...

"What kind of pointless maths equation am I?"

Scientists have argued for years. Some of them have even had something to argue about. We here at Pointless Test Co^Tm have it on some kind of reliable authority that someone, somewhere heard that one of these scientists has said something like equations might be important, and we thought that was basis enough to form this entire accurate^*1 test that calculates within 0.05%^*2 possibility which mathematical equation best describes your life, thus given the correct inputs at any given point you can calculate your entire future^*3 using only basic algebra! What other test can guarantee that?^*4

You will need the following items in order to complete this test.

A biro
4 pieces of A4 paper
A basic graphical calculator
A slide rule
A maths hall
A stern teacher
A friend who keeps looking over your shoulder and attempting to see what you are writing
A yearning for the pub
A small stuffed lucky toy to put on your desk
A Cray Interprocedural Water cooled scalable parallel 128-thread MTA supercomputer

Step one, complete the following degree level maths question
Draw a circle radius 10 cm (50 marks)
For bonus points either calculate it's area, or colour it in (50 marks)
This determines your first parameter - the colour you decided on (or None, if you worked out it's area)

Step two. Take your date of birth, add all the digits together until you have only one left, we suggest you use the slide rule, calculator, cray or maybe even your brain for this.
(eg 17/01/1973 = 1+7+0+1+1+9+7+3 = 29 = 2 + 9 = 11 = 1 + 1 = 2)

Now cross reference your results on this simple table...

        0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Red     A B A C A D A E B A
Yellow  B A B B A C C A E E
Pink    A C D D D E B C A C
Green   C C E A B A B B A A
Purple  C D E A B B E C A A
Orange  A E A E A E A C C B
Blue    D D A D E B C E A C
Black   A D D D A B C E E A
None    E D E C E B B C B A

The letter now determines which mathematical formula you are.

A: PI r² - You are the formula for the area of a circle

Plain, simple and forthright. Your seemingly simple formula underlies the fact that underneath you are linked to a complex number that has never been proven (even beyond 1 million digits) to have a wholly definable value.

B: E=mc² - You are the formula for general relativity

You are the classical formula that everyone knows, respected and well known you are the basis for the fundamentals of a lot of the universe, despite the fact people keep trying to push quantum sh!t at you and piss you off.

C: H²=O² + A² - You are Pythagoras's theorum

You are one of the first, and usually are always the first. Known since the dawn almost of civalisation itself you are practical and helpful in determining sizes for mighty constructions. At least thats what you tell people anyway.

D: X = (-b +/- (sqr)(b² - 4 ac))/2a - You are the solution for a quadratic equation

You make peoples head ache. You are confusing to remember and always seem to have six different results, or no result or a value that just plain can't exist. You are the marmite of fomulae, people loathe or love you.

E: V₁P₁ = V₂P₂ You are Boyles Law

You define the relationship between temperature, pressure and Volume, you are a fundamental of physics and damn easy to get on with, however a little tweak here and there can have annoying results.

Footnotes

*1 - Accuracy not proven within a court of law, or indeed anywhere
*2 - Percentage accuracy based on a single sample
*3 - Disclaimer: Translations of mathematical results may not determine your future
*4 - Or this one for that matter.

Comments

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Thisis patently bloody nonsense. I've been the mean of the product of Avogadro's Number and the Holzmann Constant since the day I was born, and no new-fangled 'internet' is going to change that!

Harrumph.

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

That would be the Boltzmann constant, dear :p

Unless Emperors of the Universe have different physical constraints to the rest of us?

[emperor]

I deny everything :)