robinbloke | (no subject)

From Kotdt Issue #25

Stage 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers.
Someone suggests you play a little D&D. You get up to leave
because you have to work the next day when one of your
friends rolls a CRIT!! One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here
at stage one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why
as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snaps fingers), I am cool.".

Stage 2: It's Midnight. You've just raided the halls of the
Mountain King and had a few more beers. You have just spent 20
minutes argueing aginst female dwarves. You get up to leave again,
but the group just encountered a blue dragon. Someone hands you
another beer, and now your thinking "Hey! I'm almost to 5th level!
What am I working for anyway? These are good times! Besides, as
long as I get 5 hours of sleep, (snaps fingers) I'm cool."

Stage 3: One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for
tequila. You have just spent 20 minutes argueing FOR female
dwarves but insist they DON'T have beards!! And now your thinking,
"The hobgoblin waitress likes me! She wants me bad!" At stage three,
you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you hug the GM. You
get drinking fantasies, (like, "Hay fellas, if we bought our own bar, we
could live together forever and play D&D every day! We could do it!
Tommy, you could cook.") You know you should get up and leave so
you can get some sleep but then you decide. "Oh come on, come on
now. As long as I get three hours of sleep....and a complete change
of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool. Besides, the group needs my
Fighter-Thief to explore the Sixth level of the dungeon!"

Stage 4: It's two in the morning. You just punched out your
best friend because he touched your dice. You ARE a female dwarf!
You decide it is time to go home but first you have to use the bathroom.
This time on the way to the bathroom, you shove the GM and
scream "You want some of me?" because you think he is 'looking at you
funny!' Then someone discovers a secret door in a side passage.
"Well...as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I
may as well STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I
dont mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards.
Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long
as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow .................... I'm cool."

Stage 5: Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to
duct tape the legs back on the kitchen table (Someone unwisly
suggested your female dwarf was a tramp!) the group decides to
migrate over to Harry's house to continue the game. He has a table
and besides, he has to get up at 8 am anyway to go to work. He'll
appreciate a little gaming before clocking in. At this point, your all
drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a klingon
wedding. You arrive on Harry's doorstep and after pounding on the door
and yelling "Open up Orc-breath!!" for five minutes his UNAMUSED father
opens the door. You explain your presence on his doorstep. You chip a
tooth on the doorknocker as he slams the door in your face. "Sammy!"
you hear someone yell, "Sammy has a gaming table in his garage!!" On
the way to "Sammy's" you are pulled over by a state trooper whose
attention was drawn to your vehicle because it happened to be dragging
fifty feet of chain link fence behiend it. (You vagely remember someone
saying "Gates are for wusses!" earlier in the evening but you dont know
why!) The police took away your dicebags before placing you and your
friends in the holding cell but the joke is on them. You manage to
improvise a set of 'random number generators' with a paper cup, a box
of chicklets gum and a sharpee marker. You resume the game and by
the time your parents arrive to post bail you've managed to reach 6th
level AND aquire a Ring of Invisibility from a mouthy half-orc.