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Warnings from the world of tommorrow
May. 19th, 2004 03:33 pmNow, I'm not one to rant (am I?) but here’s a little snippet brought on by a warning I saw today.
KEEP AWAY FROM FIRE
Now this warning was on a pair of boxer shorts... which made me wonder, what kind of lunatic is going to expose their underwear to naked flames? I for one have absolutely no intention whatsoever of anything hot and flamey going anywhere near my delicates, thank you very much. But the very fact this warning is here, and you know I'm right, means that somewhere, somehow. really and unquestionably someone decided to set their pants1 on fire and as a result all cotton pants had to be labelled with a warning against this sort of thing.
"Steady on." I hear you say2, "Surely this is just preventative, after all I'm sure other clothes have this sort of warning."
Really now? Well, I did an inventory check of warnings after this - it's the sort of thing you have to do - especially checking other 100% cotton items. Socks? Nope, no warning, shirt? Nope, Trousers3 Nope! So I think I can safely conclude hypothesis no.1, i.e. loony with his pants on fire, is the correct assumption.
I think we can only hope that after this incident they removed any chance of them ever continuing to add to the gene pool.
But this is definitely going to add to the preventative side of warning, sooner or later it'll all boil down to something like this...
Spotlight on 2020...
<Wavey spookey effects>
Customer: Good afternoon, I'd like to buy that pencil there.
Salesguy: Certainly sir, that will be three groats please.
Customer: There you are. (clink)
Salesguy: Thank you sir, now if sir would please read this and sign here.
Customer: I beg pardon?
Salesguy: The safety warnings and disclaimers sir, for your pencil.
Customer: Disclaimers?
Salesguy: Yes sir, you are now in possession of a type 3 offensive weapon, and as such I am required by law to take your home address, date of birth, various other details and warn you of all dangers pertaining to the use of said pencil.
Customer: (looks at the disclaimer) That’s 20 pages thick!
Salesguy: Well, it is only the safety warnings document sir, there are three others to sign; The registration of a dangerous weapon (a second pile of forms thump onto the desk), the competency to write exam (thump) and the medical forms regarding pencil based allergies and health risks (THUMP) sir.
Customer: You have to be kidding me.
Salesguy: I'm deadly serious sir, it's more than my jobs worth to let you out of this shop without reading and signing these forms.
Customer: Well sod that, I'm out of here. (leaves)
Salesguy: Sir! SIR! (presses button, klaxon sounds)
Klaxon: Warning, Warning! We have a unlicensed pencil in the street. Everyone please immediately go to the nearest emergency shelters. Do not attempt to draw anything or approach the pencil wielder. This is not a drill.
Customer: Eeep!
</Wavey spookey effects>
It'll happen, trust me.
1 That’s underwear for you strange types from the U S o' A.
2 Damn I've got good hearing.
3 Aka Pants for you people 'over there'.
KEEP AWAY FROM FIRE
Now this warning was on a pair of boxer shorts... which made me wonder, what kind of lunatic is going to expose their underwear to naked flames? I for one have absolutely no intention whatsoever of anything hot and flamey going anywhere near my delicates, thank you very much. But the very fact this warning is here, and you know I'm right, means that somewhere, somehow. really and unquestionably someone decided to set their pants1 on fire and as a result all cotton pants had to be labelled with a warning against this sort of thing.
"Steady on." I hear you say2, "Surely this is just preventative, after all I'm sure other clothes have this sort of warning."
Really now? Well, I did an inventory check of warnings after this - it's the sort of thing you have to do - especially checking other 100% cotton items. Socks? Nope, no warning, shirt? Nope, Trousers3 Nope! So I think I can safely conclude hypothesis no.1, i.e. loony with his pants on fire, is the correct assumption.
I think we can only hope that after this incident they removed any chance of them ever continuing to add to the gene pool.
But this is definitely going to add to the preventative side of warning, sooner or later it'll all boil down to something like this...
Spotlight on 2020...
<Wavey spookey effects>
Customer: Good afternoon, I'd like to buy that pencil there.
Salesguy: Certainly sir, that will be three groats please.
Customer: There you are. (clink)
Salesguy: Thank you sir, now if sir would please read this and sign here.
Customer: I beg pardon?
Salesguy: The safety warnings and disclaimers sir, for your pencil.
Customer: Disclaimers?
Salesguy: Yes sir, you are now in possession of a type 3 offensive weapon, and as such I am required by law to take your home address, date of birth, various other details and warn you of all dangers pertaining to the use of said pencil.
Customer: (looks at the disclaimer) That’s 20 pages thick!
Salesguy: Well, it is only the safety warnings document sir, there are three others to sign; The registration of a dangerous weapon (a second pile of forms thump onto the desk), the competency to write exam (thump) and the medical forms regarding pencil based allergies and health risks (THUMP) sir.
Customer: You have to be kidding me.
Salesguy: I'm deadly serious sir, it's more than my jobs worth to let you out of this shop without reading and signing these forms.
Customer: Well sod that, I'm out of here. (leaves)
Salesguy: Sir! SIR! (presses button, klaxon sounds)
Klaxon: Warning, Warning! We have a unlicensed pencil in the street. Everyone please immediately go to the nearest emergency shelters. Do not attempt to draw anything or approach the pencil wielder. This is not a drill.
Customer: Eeep!
</Wavey spookey effects>
It'll happen, trust me.
1 That’s underwear for you strange types from the U S o' A.
2 Damn I've got good hearing.
3 Aka Pants for you people 'over there'.
