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May. 4th, 2004 10:36 amTime.
That was it.
I had been hit my a moments drunken inspiration about what to write and due to the demise of my (still needing to be fixed) dictaphone I thought I could text myself, but no, still better I could leave a voice mail and leave this pearl of wisdom to myself.
However in typical fashion I got so distracted by the fact I could leave a voice mail to myself, and then by an interesting square block on the wall, that I forgot the original message I was going to leave.
And now, like a long lost doughnut it comes rolling back to my brain, welcome home... now go and stand in the chocolate sauce like a good boy.
Tangential moment: Note for those interested, Betty Crocker read-to-use chocolate icing is the closest I've found to the sauce Tescos use on their profitaroles, never ever leave any just lying around when your house is critically short1 of chocolate.
But yes, Time. Although it's more a more us and them sound of a feeling rather than Time. It was about validation, of the self, of you as an individual and of myself.
One of the great things about faith/religion/belief/etc is purpose, with the divine figured into your life you have purpose. You are part, however small, of some great plan, of some great machine the likes of which your tiny mind cannot hope to fathom as the almighty is wise beyond you or anyone else. It's why they're the almighty, they get perks like that.
Atheism is a little harder, boil it down to fundamentals and ultimately you're nothing at all, as Eric Idle once said (more cheerfully I might note) "You've come from nothing, you've gone back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!". But this isn't exactly helpful in obtaining a perspective in your existance or indeed anything other than a sense of depression2 of futility about everything ever.
So you need some perspective, a timeframe you can work within. Now the basic unit of existance is your lifetime, as far as you're concerned anyway. Immortality won't stretch beyond what you can experience - at least for you - unless you have some sense of continuation of the self3 which means you're skipping along the borderline of religion/faith/belief/etc once again.
But if your life just consists of short sighted views of what you've done whilst you're alive and you've left nothing behind you impress your own little footprint on the beach of reality for someone else to pause and wonder at before the waves of time wash it away, are you nothing? Some scope or reach is a factor in the hope and/or need for us to mark this world or contribute to it, inasmuch as we can. Perhaps in some sense of pride for the planet, gratitude or just so eight thousand years down the line when giant hamsters rule the world and they go digging in the earth where you were they can lift up your skull and go "SQUEAK! Squeak squeak squeak!"4.
You are the exhibit, please don't touch the glass - try not to scare the punters.
Some, all or none of this may make sense, but what the hey. I'm writing because I want to and trying to figure out how many years or lifetimes beyond my own I want to leave a mark (or maybe just to leave a tangled web of words so I can look back and think "What was I on?") such that people remember me. Because that is a part of immortality, one of the goals we reach for - even if we don't believe in it.
1 I.e. having less than a kilo in your fridge.
2 Useful if you're a goth however.
3 QV my prior posts on socioemotism.
4 What a magnificent specimen, add it to the box.
That was it.
I had been hit my a moments drunken inspiration about what to write and due to the demise of my (still needing to be fixed) dictaphone I thought I could text myself, but no, still better I could leave a voice mail and leave this pearl of wisdom to myself.
However in typical fashion I got so distracted by the fact I could leave a voice mail to myself, and then by an interesting square block on the wall, that I forgot the original message I was going to leave.
And now, like a long lost doughnut it comes rolling back to my brain, welcome home... now go and stand in the chocolate sauce like a good boy.
Tangential moment: Note for those interested, Betty Crocker read-to-use chocolate icing is the closest I've found to the sauce Tescos use on their profitaroles, never ever leave any just lying around when your house is critically short1 of chocolate.
But yes, Time. Although it's more a more us and them sound of a feeling rather than Time. It was about validation, of the self, of you as an individual and of myself.
One of the great things about faith/religion/belief/etc is purpose, with the divine figured into your life you have purpose. You are part, however small, of some great plan, of some great machine the likes of which your tiny mind cannot hope to fathom as the almighty is wise beyond you or anyone else. It's why they're the almighty, they get perks like that.
Atheism is a little harder, boil it down to fundamentals and ultimately you're nothing at all, as Eric Idle once said (more cheerfully I might note) "You've come from nothing, you've gone back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!". But this isn't exactly helpful in obtaining a perspective in your existance or indeed anything other than a sense of depression2 of futility about everything ever.
So you need some perspective, a timeframe you can work within. Now the basic unit of existance is your lifetime, as far as you're concerned anyway. Immortality won't stretch beyond what you can experience - at least for you - unless you have some sense of continuation of the self3 which means you're skipping along the borderline of religion/faith/belief/etc once again.
But if your life just consists of short sighted views of what you've done whilst you're alive and you've left nothing behind you impress your own little footprint on the beach of reality for someone else to pause and wonder at before the waves of time wash it away, are you nothing? Some scope or reach is a factor in the hope and/or need for us to mark this world or contribute to it, inasmuch as we can. Perhaps in some sense of pride for the planet, gratitude or just so eight thousand years down the line when giant hamsters rule the world and they go digging in the earth where you were they can lift up your skull and go "SQUEAK! Squeak squeak squeak!"4.
You are the exhibit, please don't touch the glass - try not to scare the punters.
Some, all or none of this may make sense, but what the hey. I'm writing because I want to and trying to figure out how many years or lifetimes beyond my own I want to leave a mark (or maybe just to leave a tangled web of words so I can look back and think "What was I on?") such that people remember me. Because that is a part of immortality, one of the goals we reach for - even if we don't believe in it.
1 I.e. having less than a kilo in your fridge.
2 Useful if you're a goth however.
3 QV my prior posts on socioemotism.
4 What a magnificent specimen, add it to the box.
