...

[robinbloke]

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Bah.
I am stuck in a proverbial rut. Life doesn't really seem to be going anywhere; I've spent more than half my life working towards getting a job and a career that I wanted, and which I now have, and now all I can see is a glowing mishmash of characters on the screen ticking away each second towards oblivion as my life drones on, and I'm not sure if this is the job I want anymore. Maybe it's just -this- job, I don't seem to do much anymore, hell I spend more time on LJ than doing work or anything and that can't be a good thing for my brain, bordom kills. So what? I don't know, I'm too apathetic to get another job, as everyone here is quite nice and I can walk to work; if I got a job elsewhere I'd likely lose my luxuries and end up worked off my feet. Contentment seems a long way away in a galaxy far far away as the cliche goes. So what? Change career? Can't do that, mortgage chains me down along with a load of other stuff, and plus I'm not sure what I want to do with my so called life at the moment, it's wake up, pretend to work, go home. I'm staring at a computer screen for 75% of the time I'm awake, what little shred of my creativity is fading away and with my shudder29th birthday next week I can see my midlife crisis rolling into view like a giant rolly thing and looking back, well I begin to wonder what I've done and achieved and the bad memories are more strongly held in my mind than the good.
Bleh. This is a general moan, something I never like subjecting anyone to, hence the warning above but I need to vent somewhere and this is, well not the best place, but a place.
Hey ho.
Just another minute ticking by really, I think sometimes I understand how the elves could die of boredom in middle earth, bah, angst, I need some sugar; chemicals to the rescue, even as a temporary prop, better than booze which I've also been drinking far too much of.

Comments

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Hell, I don't know. I can't seem to find a reason for going on at the moment. Surely there must be something that makes life more than a matter of mere existence?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Well after a mornings dullness and a brief stint at the gym I've managed to shake the evil depression so here goes for a little bit more upbeat thought...

I can remember moments when life was so sweet I could have just well, bounced up and down even more than if I was on crack, sugar, acid and caffine; several of these times I never ever expected anything like it, when I've been feeling really crappy - they came out of the blue; now if my life has just one more of those moments to look forward to, hell it's worth it.

But existance is what you make of it, unfortunately, hence why I try and bemoan my fate as little as possible since if I don't get off my arse and do something for me, noone will - no push at anyone intended; then again life sometimes has a way of surprising you in the nicest ways when you least expect it, and I'll take what I know about life over what I don't know about death every time for now, you only get so much sand in your glass so may as well make the most of it, or try or eat chocolate!