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Who I am to disagree?
Oct. 24th, 2006 08:55 amEvery now and then I get to remember a dream, now given that I sometimes have trouble what I did yesterday this is a nice surprise.
( Dreams )
( Dreams )
Oct. 24th, 2006
Treatise on the fundamentals of avocado
Oct. 24th, 2006 01:45 pmChocolate is the universal solution to anything.
Proof?
You want proof.
Pah. Fish. Wibbles and old wet socks to you.
Oh ok.
Now, lets see how about a recent problem on the emerald Isle where new passports issued have RFID1 tags.
Now, in the good ol' US of A they have already issued such things, but being smart cookies they thought to themselves, "'ere some geezer is likely gonna want to nick this info, better stop the blighter doing that." and so they stuck a bit of foil in the passport to stop anyone sneakily getting info from the RFID.
However our friends across the water2...
(Brief interlude music here, sit back and think of green fields filled with daisies, now let the daisies eyes slowly open, petals unfurling slowly in a clockwork winding spinning motion that flickers on each dew drop still clinging to their edge. A wave of wind washes over the field, and ripples flow across every blade of grass; it's cool, the clouds slide more to the side revealing the sun. Eyes flicker open in each of the flowers and then as one they open their voices to shout to the sun....)
( ... )
Anyway. Yes, friends over the water. Anyway, they haven't put foil in their nice shiny new passports, and this is a concern for some. However, I have the solution.
"You have the solution?" you ask, worrying possibly at this point if it involves anything explosive.
Sadly no.
However what it does involve is chocolate.
Sit yourself comfortably and I'll begin, I recommend a nice pillow and some music plus a cup o' your preferred beverage.
But that's just for sitting comfortably.
Cycling back at lunchtime from my pad I thought to myself; 'blimey I'm still a bit hungry' now the thought of the vendo-matic machines at work with their sub-par mass produced chocs didn't really appeal, what I wanted was a slightly more expensive product, still mass produced but with superior packaging to make myself feel good about having treated myself to something before I'd even opened the wrapper.
That's a mark of quality, I can tell you.
So anyway, I bought some galaxy, because the petrol station didn't have anything that was decent that didn't look like it should be giftwrapped, and I didn't want to treat myself that much; I mean it's not my birthday or anything but I'm not going to splash out more on me if it isn't, I mean who do I think I am?
Galaxy. Bought. Returned to door of work and raise my backpack to the door tag.
Damn thing doesn't work. Now we use keycards with RFIDs in to open our door, damn thing wasn't working.
So I wave my bag a little more, looking steadily more and more like I'm trying to bash the keycard lock open with a backpack before finally I relent and open the pouch with my wallet and the keycard in it; and lo, the damn reason it won't open is because the bar of chocolate, helpfully wrapped in foil, has fallen between the two halves of my wallet and has screwed up the RFID.
So, there you go; a solution to all the worlds problems in bar form.
I mean if you bombed Baghdad with 200,000 embossed chocolate bars with the words "We're really sorry, signed the collation, but we're doing our best." I'm sure that would do a hell of lot more for public relations eh?
1 That’s Radio Frequency Identification Tags to you boys and girls, little coils of metal that when hit by a radio signal generate a tiny little bit of energy, when they do a circuit starts up - with just enough energy to send a signal back. Nifty eh?
2 Well, my friends3 across the water, depending on where you are you may be that friend, or person, or it may be an entirely different bit of water.
3 When I say friends, what I really mean is you have a roughly (number of my friends in Ireland)/(population in Ireland) chance of being a friend, but given it's only a little bit of an extrapolation since I don't expect everyone in Ireland to read this we can safely assume that well, nothing really, nothing I tell you NOOOOTHHHING.4
4 Ah nothing. Nothing is eternal, nothing is forever; my favourite personal quote, although this is the only quote of mine I actually remember, well, when I remember it - if I don't remember it then by definition it's not remembered. Then again we can assume nothing, so unless someone comes along with a big fat mathematical proof of what I didn't or did just say there then I'm pretty safe as houses.
Proof?
You want proof.
Pah. Fish. Wibbles and old wet socks to you.
Oh ok.
Now, lets see how about a recent problem on the emerald Isle where new passports issued have RFID1 tags.
Now, in the good ol' US of A they have already issued such things, but being smart cookies they thought to themselves, "'ere some geezer is likely gonna want to nick this info, better stop the blighter doing that." and so they stuck a bit of foil in the passport to stop anyone sneakily getting info from the RFID.
However our friends across the water2...
(Brief interlude music here, sit back and think of green fields filled with daisies, now let the daisies eyes slowly open, petals unfurling slowly in a clockwork winding spinning motion that flickers on each dew drop still clinging to their edge. A wave of wind washes over the field, and ripples flow across every blade of grass; it's cool, the clouds slide more to the side revealing the sun. Eyes flicker open in each of the flowers and then as one they open their voices to shout to the sun....)
( ... )
Anyway. Yes, friends over the water. Anyway, they haven't put foil in their nice shiny new passports, and this is a concern for some. However, I have the solution.
"You have the solution?" you ask, worrying possibly at this point if it involves anything explosive.
Sadly no.
However what it does involve is chocolate.
Sit yourself comfortably and I'll begin, I recommend a nice pillow and some music plus a cup o' your preferred beverage.
But that's just for sitting comfortably.
Cycling back at lunchtime from my pad I thought to myself; 'blimey I'm still a bit hungry' now the thought of the vendo-matic machines at work with their sub-par mass produced chocs didn't really appeal, what I wanted was a slightly more expensive product, still mass produced but with superior packaging to make myself feel good about having treated myself to something before I'd even opened the wrapper.
That's a mark of quality, I can tell you.
So anyway, I bought some galaxy, because the petrol station didn't have anything that was decent that didn't look like it should be giftwrapped, and I didn't want to treat myself that much; I mean it's not my birthday or anything but I'm not going to splash out more on me if it isn't, I mean who do I think I am?
Galaxy. Bought. Returned to door of work and raise my backpack to the door tag.
Damn thing doesn't work. Now we use keycards with RFIDs in to open our door, damn thing wasn't working.
So I wave my bag a little more, looking steadily more and more like I'm trying to bash the keycard lock open with a backpack before finally I relent and open the pouch with my wallet and the keycard in it; and lo, the damn reason it won't open is because the bar of chocolate, helpfully wrapped in foil, has fallen between the two halves of my wallet and has screwed up the RFID.
So, there you go; a solution to all the worlds problems in bar form.
I mean if you bombed Baghdad with 200,000 embossed chocolate bars with the words "We're really sorry, signed the collation, but we're doing our best." I'm sure that would do a hell of lot more for public relations eh?
1 That’s Radio Frequency Identification Tags to you boys and girls, little coils of metal that when hit by a radio signal generate a tiny little bit of energy, when they do a circuit starts up - with just enough energy to send a signal back. Nifty eh?
2 Well, my friends3 across the water, depending on where you are you may be that friend, or person, or it may be an entirely different bit of water.
3 When I say friends, what I really mean is you have a roughly (number of my friends in Ireland)/(population in Ireland) chance of being a friend, but given it's only a little bit of an extrapolation since I don't expect everyone in Ireland to read this we can safely assume that well, nothing really, nothing I tell you NOOOOTHHHING.4
4 Ah nothing. Nothing is eternal, nothing is forever; my favourite personal quote, although this is the only quote of mine I actually remember, well, when I remember it - if I don't remember it then by definition it's not remembered. Then again we can assume nothing, so unless someone comes along with a big fat mathematical proof of what I didn't or did just say there then I'm pretty safe as houses.
