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Nov. 21st, 2003
Work snippets
Nov. 21st, 2003 10:30 amMy boss: ...as a hack rather than a full release.
Colleague: Hack?
Me: Technical term.
Colleague: Hack?
Me: Technical term.
Mood regulation
Nov. 21st, 2003 11:08 amI feel like in a quasi-Zen like state this morning; the world around me is buzzing away, people are pootling about while I am my own little calm centre of the universe1. This is a bit of a relief all in all as life has been a bit of a tumult of random emotions2 buzzing around like flies in my brain. Pass the mental fly swat. One thing that’s helped is being more careful what music I listen to; I used to force feed myself upbeat music when I got a little down, but that was a violent wrench attempt on my emotions which didn't really work; now I'm settling for calm and easygoing music, music for moods I think. Well, for me at least, music is highly indicative of mood, and drives and can even change it, or enhance it - it's a stimulant, or accelerant, enhancer... you get the idea. Music should be selected carefully then, to focus or tweak here and there what mood you have in order to push it where you want, sooth what you have or just grab hold of the moment and bounce around like crazy. This is probably one3 of the reasons I like dancing so much; it's a more physical expression of enjoyment of the music as well as being part of it all. Note to self: It's been way too long since I've been to the Electric Ballroom4.
This is all tying into mood regulation, something I've half been experimenting with, or at least trying to do. Feelings are generally chaotic things for me, they do what they want, when they want and sod what you want matey Jim. So finding things5 to guide or help this is useful, as well of getting a way of dealing with these wacky old things.
Caring without feeling?
One of my problems is that, even if it's not particularly obvious (as I tend to bury my feelings away from people rather than inflict7 them on others) is that I often get a kind of empathic feedback from other people, if they're angry I'll start becoming angry, if they're depressed so will I, etc, which makes trying to help people or chat to them about stuff very hard sometimes as I can find myself sliding away into the same feelings internally, which is occasionally why I end up feeling incredibly rude and ending a conversation earlier than I should, sore point for myself that I'm working on - see above or your local guide to my brain on teletext, page 7168. Anyway, disassociation whilst helping is what I'm working on right now; helping and caring, without letting my feelings jump onto the non-stop moped to nowhere city and turning me into a mess before I can advise, help, sympathise or anything. A mental stop gap I've already managed for TMI9 situations, whereby my brain clicks off and people can say what they want - there’s no way I'm going to visualise it.
However this isn't entirely useful for the emotional situations as completely shutting off your feelings when trying to talk to people isn't very helpful, part of human interaction is the emotional exchange - this is why mediums such as this and even television fail to convey everything meant, and why a talented actor will walk over a run of the mill one - because they will be able to make you feel, or see, what their character is scripted to be feeling.
Or are we just footnotes in the cosmic script?
Anyway, there isn't probably a point up there, as usual this isn't a list of advice to anyone but myself, nor a dialog starter (unless you want to comment) or anything like that - this journal remains as mental dialog of whatever delusions, confusions, piles of doughnuts or whatever are currently bumbling around in the hapless organ that is my brain, poor thing.
Anyway, this entry has almost taken a life of it's own, and it's survived a meeting, me fixing a DSE issue for someone (hint, if you're going to try and use a font, try installing it first) and I still haven't reached one of the points I was going to ramble on about11.
Thinking.
Calculators should be removed, a policy of my old maths teacher "Von" Brown, retired now and lord knows what happened to him. Anyway, yes, calculators - they stop you thinking; this is also partially regarding a post that I believe![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nannyo referred to that had a comment about using shift gears instead of automatic in them; Now don't get me wrong automatic is a god12send in traffic jams, but when you're just driving along? It's nice to have more to do, rather than less - I don't know, more control perhaps, but there is a point whereby convenience crosses a line where I'm not prepared to let things get any easier as it stops me doing certain levels of thinking, or something.
Possibly not well explained; take a dishwasher for instance, now I have heard alarming reports that some people like doing the dishes, not so I. For me a dishwasher is a time saving device, it saves me a couple of hours a week maybe where I can be doing something else, and time is a commodity that can't be easily measured in cash when you reclaim it for yourself. No, what I mean is removing elements that stop you thinking, maybe dumb you down and I am pretty tempted to delete the calculator from my PC because I reached a point whereby I was reflexively opening the calculator rather than calculate one and a half lots of seven. This is sad, frankly, so hence I am ignoring it now and starting to retrain my brain how to perform fundamental mathematics, including long division etc whenever I need to rather than pushing buttons on a calculator like a monkey.
Bloody hell, this did get a life of it's own, well hopefully it'll be a good one for it.
Stay frosty.
1 Me, a fight club quote? Surely not.
2 Sometimes I wonder if Spock wasn't right here
3 Just one, adrenalin also has a lot to answer for, and just plain fun
4 Probably because I'm half-waiting for more cyber gear to buy before I go again. Need hair! Rah.
5 Sugar, music, alcohol6. Yes indeed, Sugar and drugs and rock and roll.
6 Not always a good idea however.
7 Word quite deliberately chosen here.
8 Not so much the number of the beast, but maybe his baker or babysitter.
9 TMI, Too much information, a TLA10.
10 Three letter acronym, a TLA10
11 Surely not.
12 Insert deity/pessimism of choice.
This is all tying into mood regulation, something I've half been experimenting with, or at least trying to do. Feelings are generally chaotic things for me, they do what they want, when they want and sod what you want matey Jim. So finding things5 to guide or help this is useful, as well of getting a way of dealing with these wacky old things.
Caring without feeling?
One of my problems is that, even if it's not particularly obvious (as I tend to bury my feelings away from people rather than inflict7 them on others) is that I often get a kind of empathic feedback from other people, if they're angry I'll start becoming angry, if they're depressed so will I, etc, which makes trying to help people or chat to them about stuff very hard sometimes as I can find myself sliding away into the same feelings internally, which is occasionally why I end up feeling incredibly rude and ending a conversation earlier than I should, sore point for myself that I'm working on - see above or your local guide to my brain on teletext, page 7168. Anyway, disassociation whilst helping is what I'm working on right now; helping and caring, without letting my feelings jump onto the non-stop moped to nowhere city and turning me into a mess before I can advise, help, sympathise or anything. A mental stop gap I've already managed for TMI9 situations, whereby my brain clicks off and people can say what they want - there’s no way I'm going to visualise it.
However this isn't entirely useful for the emotional situations as completely shutting off your feelings when trying to talk to people isn't very helpful, part of human interaction is the emotional exchange - this is why mediums such as this and even television fail to convey everything meant, and why a talented actor will walk over a run of the mill one - because they will be able to make you feel, or see, what their character is scripted to be feeling.
Or are we just footnotes in the cosmic script?
Anyway, there isn't probably a point up there, as usual this isn't a list of advice to anyone but myself, nor a dialog starter (unless you want to comment) or anything like that - this journal remains as mental dialog of whatever delusions, confusions, piles of doughnuts or whatever are currently bumbling around in the hapless organ that is my brain, poor thing.
Anyway, this entry has almost taken a life of it's own, and it's survived a meeting, me fixing a DSE issue for someone (hint, if you're going to try and use a font, try installing it first) and I still haven't reached one of the points I was going to ramble on about11.
Thinking.
Calculators should be removed, a policy of my old maths teacher "Von" Brown, retired now and lord knows what happened to him. Anyway, yes, calculators - they stop you thinking; this is also partially regarding a post that I believe
nannyo referred to that had a comment about using shift gears instead of automatic in them; Now don't get me wrong automatic is a god12send in traffic jams, but when you're just driving along? It's nice to have more to do, rather than less - I don't know, more control perhaps, but there is a point whereby convenience crosses a line where I'm not prepared to let things get any easier as it stops me doing certain levels of thinking, or something.Possibly not well explained; take a dishwasher for instance, now I have heard alarming reports that some people like doing the dishes, not so I. For me a dishwasher is a time saving device, it saves me a couple of hours a week maybe where I can be doing something else, and time is a commodity that can't be easily measured in cash when you reclaim it for yourself. No, what I mean is removing elements that stop you thinking, maybe dumb you down and I am pretty tempted to delete the calculator from my PC because I reached a point whereby I was reflexively opening the calculator rather than calculate one and a half lots of seven. This is sad, frankly, so hence I am ignoring it now and starting to retrain my brain how to perform fundamental mathematics, including long division etc whenever I need to rather than pushing buttons on a calculator like a monkey.
Bloody hell, this did get a life of it's own, well hopefully it'll be a good one for it.
Stay frosty.
1 Me, a fight club quote? Surely not.
2 Sometimes I wonder if Spock wasn't right here
3 Just one, adrenalin also has a lot to answer for, and just plain fun
4 Probably because I'm half-waiting for more cyber gear to buy before I go again. Need hair! Rah.
5 Sugar, music, alcohol6. Yes indeed, Sugar and drugs and rock and roll.
6 Not always a good idea however.
7 Word quite deliberately chosen here.
8 Not so much the number of the beast, but maybe his baker or babysitter.
9 TMI, Too much information, a TLA10.
10 Three letter acronym, a TLA10
11 Surely not.
12 Insert deity/pessimism of choice.
(no subject)
Nov. 21st, 2003 11:21 pmThe only moment is the one you're living in, right here, right now... everything else is speculation, guesswork or memory.