The weekend that was not was

Walking back, before the last few synapse’s give up and wander off elsewhere in my brain to try and find something less boring instead to remember, walking back to the last few days. I seem to do little actual updates of what I'm doing here and more random waffle and entertainment, cabaret is booked for 2pm sharp so get your best dinner jacket and togs on and be there for when the first tinkles of the ivory start.
Friday, wrote Mr.Kipling. Barring the times when I've wandered off with my boss and he's handed me a piece of paper that said "Here is your pay raise", Friday would have to go down as one of the best days at work ever. Yes, you heard me correctly. And the 'net was even down all day. The morning was fairly standard, building a PC rig to act as a controller, save for a missing lead. It was fairly humdrum. The afternoon however was the 25th anniversary celebrations for the company, which I had expected to be pretty dull. Boy was I soaping the wrong limb when I thought that. Firstly, free drinks (including beer) free food (hot dogs, burgers, cake, popcorn, rock...) and FREE ICE CREAM from a honest to tootin'-goodness ice cream van. Yumity yum yum. Our team T-Shirts had arrived and despite previous worries over the name we became 'Shock and Awe' with me as our fearless and unprincipled team leader. Right from the start my team showed that it was prepared to cheat like buggery in order to beat, do over and generally have a laugh. I was so proud. Events were in three sections; throwing and shooting at stuff - which we did excellently in the shooting. Answering questions, which we were positively dire at. And what can only be described as a 'it's a knockout' type bouncy castle and foam experience which absolutely rocked. These events were great laugh, and I got totally soaked, needless to say with the amount of sugar I'd consumed I was utterly hyper anyway and so proceeded to throw myself into the events with little care for anything other than going nuts. Our arch rivals cheated. We pointed this out and they got slapped, we cheated... and got both them and us disqualified from one event - result. But at the end of the day the important thing was, not the winning, not the fact that we beat them, not the taking part or the great day and the sunshine. It was all about free sugar.
Saturday, comparatively was decidedly unexciting. I painted and cleared out my house and went on a penguin collecting spree, I'm sure I've got more of the little swines hidden somewhere when I had a tidy up a while ago, but gawd knows where they are. Saturday evening I bimbled off to emperor's party which was a little alarming when I turned up and I knew... noone, but after a bit of wandering around, pun making and pixie pimping everything was alright. Huzah. Goth or Geek? Now I knew which I leaned towards being. Strange.
Sunday was the 'cheer up tacohell day'; bimbling up to see a rather despondent dennyd in hospital, gave him pixie crack - it had to be done. His biggest annoyance seems to be that he has to... well, use facilities in his bed that one should really be sitting or standing for. Can't say I blame him however. On the plus side everything except his leg looks fine. On the minus size his leg is swollen up larger than a large thing on national Chinese day of the large. Good vibes to him for the op later this week. Next it was burger time. I don't think I've ever eaten such a good burger, or had one that had such sheer amount of lard in it. I'm still fairly full from it and the ice cream afterwards, weeeeee sugar! Saw Identity that tried to steal time-frame swapping to cunning effect like the excellent Enigma and failed. Tried to be spooky and sinister, and was predictable and mildly amusing. Tried to generate sympathy for characters, but just had you betting which one would get the chop next. In the end I couldn't even be bothered to work out who the killer was (who really would have got his arse kicked if he'd tried to do me in, I'm telling you - boot to the head... you'll have to see the film to find out who it was, but I can't say I recommend doing so) Anyway, hometime and bimbling around with a little more tidying and the final publishing to the net community at large of the amazing World War III and the Pumpkin King. No reports have yet been received of suicide from reading it yet, so all good.

Your Degree, a summary.

This is probably what they should have put on the course module explanations.

Mathematics: Learn new and complicated ways to turn ever more complicated formulae into even more complicated solutions. None of this was any real world practical value, but boy is that a big impressive formula.
Philosophy: Before this course you will likely be secure in your understanding of the world, life and the universe. After it your brain will be stuffed and leaking from six dozen new ways to relate to existence using references to mindsets and people that noone else has heard of, you will likely go stark raving mad.
Psychology: Learn new and interesting ways to attempt to classify and understand why people think like they do. In the end you will achieve a Zen-like state whereby you realise that the mystical 'Nod and grin' method basically covers every human interaction method.
Politics: Any political leanings you have at the start of this course will be ruthlessly suppressed by the extreme views of your teacher, more confusingly in your second year we will change your tutor who has diametrically opposed views to your previous tutor. At the end of this course you will realise humanity has a snowballs chance in hell of ever resolving anything.
Software Engineering: This course has two vital components. One, it has the word 'Engineering' in it, so it makes you think that tinkering with a box of flashing lights makes you really important. Two, it completely crushes your social life outside a small cadre of likeminded weirdoes who use Acronyms and words that noone else will ever understand. At the end of this course you will be a geek. Live with it.
History: This course sets you up in life with a full flavoured interesting set of conversation topics, you will be sought out at dinner parties for your company, people will ask you endlessly for information about this or that time period. However this has no practical real world application whatsoever and you will spend the rest of your life burger flipping.
Geography: Learn about how we actually sit on a tiny proportion of the world. Learn about the titanic forces that rip and tear the world to pieces regularly. Learn about the chaotic nature of the worlds weather system and that we have a bats chance in hell to ever understand what really is going on out there. Realise the world is doomed and the only job prospect you now have is weathergirl.
Chemistry: At the start of your chemistry A levels you realised everything you were told in GCSE was a vast simplification and basically useless. At the start of your Degree you will realise everything in your A level was basically useless. By the end of your degree you will realise your ultimate goal is to form a whole new level of chemical understanding that renders everything that anyone ever learns at degree level as useless.
Physics: You have the choice of playing with printed circuits or trying to unify the basic fundamental forces of the universe into a single theory. That’s it. Whichever modules you choose you will wish you had chosen the others. Your arms will be covered in solder burns for the rest of your life.
Accountancy: This carefully structured course will teach you the ins and outs of methods and means to manage accounts efficiently and effectively for real world applications. At the end of your course you will discover that no real world accountancy firm actually wanted you to take this course as they now have to make you forget everything you learnt in your degree and teach you how they manage their accounts. This has no resemblance to anything you've learnt.
Biology: Play with a variety of hapless lifeforms brought in for you to study and dissect. Have organ fights with your colleagues and find new and interesting smells from the waste products of the animals you've pulled apart. By the end of the course you have words you can use that will intimidate even mathematics professors. Your choices of job now include getting lynched for doing animal research (despite whatever it is you really do in that lab) and burger flipping. Have a nice day.
Astrophysics: You thought the world was small and insignificant? You'll really find out how utterly, utterly pointless and futile the whole of existence is in the grand scheme of things. Realise all those interesting black hole and parallel universe theories only get discussed by Stephen Hawking in order to sell more books and noone is going to touch it on your course. Spend six months studying a small star six billion light years away that may not actually exist anymore. Wish you'd taken a different course that gave you more of a psychological crutch.

If the job fits...

robinbloke Magic Number 10 Job Computer Nerd Personality Chancer Temperament Sweet Natured Sexual Gay Likely To Win Some Lubricant Me - In A Word Evil Colour Brought to you by MemeJack

Pink? Ewww.
10 is sort of my lucky number, although 12 is making a good go at it.