Apr. 24th, 2003
Turnaround and blink
Apr. 24th, 2003 09:58 amMy life is filling up faster than I can imagine, and planning further ahead than around a week or two at the moment is proving ultimately futile as my social calender crams itself repeatedly full. Not that I'm complaining but it's a total change from what it was like only a few months ago when I was plugged in virtually every hour that was there was available into another world, aka Evercrack now I'm busy catching up on so many things to do in this real world (latest joy discovered, baking) that I've just decided to sod it and go with whatever, so my tricorder is on order and flight will likely be sorted out soon.
You only live once so sod it and do stuff I say, well I do now, as opposed to 'must get next AA' which I was mumbling like a mantra a while back.
Life wakes up and pokes me in the eyeball and says 'Oi you, remember me?'
You only live once so sod it and do stuff I say, well I do now, as opposed to 'must get next AA' which I was mumbling like a mantra a while back.
Life wakes up and pokes me in the eyeball and says 'Oi you, remember me?'
Spell can go hang
Apr. 24th, 2003 11:44 pmYou know, you can come down to it all, and in the end it boils down to the question; was it worth it - did you mean enough, was what passed for your existance worth living through. Can you, look back on what you did, what you left - what the world became because of your infintesibal blot in the myriad of ripples that is lifes interaction across the world. And can you say, "I think I did well." What I did in my life, the values, ideals, the concepts, the precepts that you adire to; you can look back from your own values and say that you feel that you stood by then, for them, for you - more than anything. In that, in existing, as yourself, you have managed to shape these ideals, these concepts, these laws or rules or guides even for your existance and you can justify these rules, these things, this life that you are, your life was worthwhile because as an organism, an entity you were true to what you were. Not because you look out, not because you wanted to become your perfect self or follow the rules of what you are. No. Because at that moment, in accepting what you have done, what your life has been, you understand yourself. Maybe death isn't something to worry about, maybe it's just a marker point in history for your understanding, in whatever form your conciousness carries; but it's a chapter in the rolling pages of the book of this world, a chapter that only you, only you, get to grade, and the others can only look at. And why, when writing those pages, for your chapter, you remember in the end, the only person who'll be grading you, is yourself.
*All that and I nearly lost this due to a misskey, dammit*
*All that and I nearly lost this due to a misskey, dammit*