FOS

[robinbloke]

Due to the lack of a FOS article in the latest nightworld (booo) I hereby offer the following service, Eric the penguin will now answer all your cam/life/whatever related woes, I present...

Ask Eric

The penguin that knows all.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Eric, I hope you can help me.

I find myself increasingly uneasy bored at work, and yet no one is writing scandalous/ amusing entries in the cam liove journals! What can I do about this? I'm reduced to writing to penguin agony aunts!

anon

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Dear Anon,

there are plenty of things you can do to spice up your daily life and most importantly, your live journal; work is, after all, a secondary consideration to finding the next interesting personality test to add to your journal. I recommend you encourage as many of your work colleagues as possible, including your boss, to join in the live journal phenomena, that way you can set up a whole community at work that will be far more interesting,

regards,

Eric

[(Anonymous)]

You don't understand! I want to read about cammies juicy gossip! I want to hear how A hates B and B loves C but C is dating A who has a crush on her brother! I mean, what else is the cam about but such juicy lies???

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Dear Cam-Soapie,

obviously yes, this is an important part of the Cam that shouldn't be ignored; I recommend setting up microphones and video cameras to record peoples activities as well as reading the LJ, start a "LJ confessions" thread and post everything you know, or even better just make it all up; the fur will fly and you'll be neck deep in scandal once again,

yours hiding-with-a-microphone,

Eric

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Dear Eric,

No-one believes I'm not a Goth. I keep telling them and fear I am becoming somewhat repetative about it, but it seems that the more I declare my lack of gothness, the less people believe me. What can I do?

Yours.

Lumbered with Gothness

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Dear Lumbered with Gothness,

A tricky situation indeed, the problem is just about anyone can be classified as some kind of goth regardless of what they are. I recommend you take a radical musical swing and start dressing and listening to music (country and western for example) in order to definitively mark your non-gothness, then when they're not looking pop on your black clothes again and listen to whatever you want again,

regards,

Eric

[(Anonymous)]

Christi hun.. you're a lumbergoth..

unless, of course, you agree that I'm not a perkygoth. Then I won't call you a lumbergoth anymore!

Otherwise I'll make them ALL sing it at the national...

Rhona

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

But you ~are~ a perkygoth Rhona :)

[(Anonymous)]

HAH! You only say that because the test didn't show YOU up as a perkygoth, you're JEALOUS!

*pout*

and so mean to me!

Rhona

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Me? Mean? It was allll Nicola

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Ms. O'Sullivan, you have yourself a deal.

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Eric.

I am a large carnivourous werebeart that has developed a taste for penguin flesh. I was wondering if you had a recipie book I could borrow in order to make my diet more varied and interesting.

Claws-at-penguins

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Dear claws-at-penguins,

I hearily recommend the tasty diet that makes penguins especially yummy, fish, and can recommend you several books on this subject,

yours hiding-behind-an-igloo,

Eric

[winterthing.livejournal.com]

Dear Eric

Help! I've been trapped in the house so long that VH1 Kylie day has become increasingly entrancing. What do I do? It's getting worse - next up is Rick Astley...

yours

Not-an-80s-fan-honest

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Dear Not-an-80's-fan,

The 80's aren't all bad, unfortunately you seem to have found a part of the 80's that ~is~ particularly bad, and Rick Astley is a terror to behold indeed. I recommend picking up the square thing with buttons and pressing the big 'off' switch. Or watch Cartoon Network instead.

Yours hitting-the-cat-with-a-frying-pan,

Eric

A Sticky Situation

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Eric,

A few nights ago, while at Elysium, I tripped and knocked over a vause. Lucky for me there was no one around and so, useing celerity, I superglued it all back together again. However, last night I noticed that I had glued the handel on upside down. Neither the keeper or the chief harpy have yet noticed.

Please help, as a barely acnolodged Neonate I'm at my wit's end.

Yours in desperation,

Sticky Fingers

Re: A Sticky Situation

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Dear Sticky,

The average life expectancy of any object (vases, walls, neonates) in any given Elysium is exceedingly short, and so if noone has noticed that the vase has been changed yet it's likely they won't until it (inevitably) gets destroyed as the next demon/hunter/MI7 group/band of rabid badgers attack the Elysium, if you can survive until 10:00 when they turn up, then you should be fine,

Yours watching-for-the-monster,

Eric

Re: A Sticky Situation

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Sticky Fingers

Now that you have confessed your guilt anonymously we expect you to approach your Prince immediately and confess properly. He will, of course, execute you on the spot, but that is only right. How can you think your life could mean more than an object of beauty?

There is only a few ways out for you, take the Oath and make sure you don't do it again. Or find a way to blame an anarch or a caitiff if you do do it again. Or kill the Prince and take Praxis.

We would suggest the first option, of handing yourself over to the Prince. Then if he shows too much mercy we know who to target next when we need to make an example of a Prince. If he kills you, then that's one more pesky neonate gone.

Yours

The Camarilla