robinbloke (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
robinbloke) wrote2004-03-10 11:02 am
robinbloke) wrote2004-03-10 11:02 am
7 deadly sins of work
Although not quite in the same league as the seven deadly sins themselves, these are still serious offences. After my annoyance at the person in my office who whistles I believe I have identified the seven deadly sins of work.
Whistling Also singing, although thankfully no-one I've ever worked with has ever done this. It's annoying, it grates the senses and should just generally not be. In a soon to be constructed hell for sinners of the workplace those who Whistle will be cast down into a pit of darkness. Therein line managers of the damned will repeatedly panel them on the head with a shovel whilst shouting "Shut up! Shut up!"
Phones The sin of phones includes leaving your mobile on your desk and walking away and also having loud personal phonecalls. In the hell for workers those who are guilty of the sin of phones are wrapped in phone chords whilst the words "The number you have dialled has not been recognised, please try again." are played into their ears over and over through infernal headphones.
Meetings The most common sin for managers, those guilty of arranging excessive meetings, or meetings for meetings (etc) shall be burnt slowly over a open fire whilst being glazed in honey and lemon sauce. It may not be an appropriate punishment but it'll get the message across.
Sloth Much the same as the original deadly sin, for those who never get up off their arse and do anything ever. (Like just make repeated LJ entries all day, erm...) For these lazy sods they will be tied into a dogsled and whipped as they pull it around frozen wastelands. Some people may actually enjoy this.
Credit stealing Whereby the sinner steals the credit for something that they haven't done, especially if they asked one of their subordinates to do it in the first place. These people will be tied into a chair and subjected to spam mails over and over and over while the 'badger badger badger' tune plays around them in orchestral stereophonic harmony.
Sloping Similar to sloth, but this is where the sinner turns up at ten, takes a two hour lunch break, sixteen fag breaks and then leaves at three. These lazy sods will be poked with giant spoons whilst brewing in a giant cup of boiling (decaff) coffee.
Spammers These sinners seem to delight in every single email that arrives and will send everything they receive to everyone they know. All to often with 'me too!!!!1111!!!!LoLolol!!!' attached to it as the only explanation. They will be strapped in front of a computer that receives twenty emails a minute with only their nose available to use the touchpad to reply. All of the email is about viagra.
So there you go, most people say what they'll do if they rule the world or if they ascend to divinity, this is what I have planned for all those annoying swines at work if I get cast down into the fiery pits of damnation.
I have my work schedule.
Whistling Also singing, although thankfully no-one I've ever worked with has ever done this. It's annoying, it grates the senses and should just generally not be. In a soon to be constructed hell for sinners of the workplace those who Whistle will be cast down into a pit of darkness. Therein line managers of the damned will repeatedly panel them on the head with a shovel whilst shouting "Shut up! Shut up!"
Phones The sin of phones includes leaving your mobile on your desk and walking away and also having loud personal phonecalls. In the hell for workers those who are guilty of the sin of phones are wrapped in phone chords whilst the words "The number you have dialled has not been recognised, please try again." are played into their ears over and over through infernal headphones.
Meetings The most common sin for managers, those guilty of arranging excessive meetings, or meetings for meetings (etc) shall be burnt slowly over a open fire whilst being glazed in honey and lemon sauce. It may not be an appropriate punishment but it'll get the message across.
Sloth Much the same as the original deadly sin, for those who never get up off their arse and do anything ever. (Like just make repeated LJ entries all day, erm...) For these lazy sods they will be tied into a dogsled and whipped as they pull it around frozen wastelands. Some people may actually enjoy this.
Credit stealing Whereby the sinner steals the credit for something that they haven't done, especially if they asked one of their subordinates to do it in the first place. These people will be tied into a chair and subjected to spam mails over and over and over while the 'badger badger badger' tune plays around them in orchestral stereophonic harmony.
Sloping Similar to sloth, but this is where the sinner turns up at ten, takes a two hour lunch break, sixteen fag breaks and then leaves at three. These lazy sods will be poked with giant spoons whilst brewing in a giant cup of boiling (decaff) coffee.
Spammers These sinners seem to delight in every single email that arrives and will send everything they receive to everyone they know. All to often with 'me too!!!!1111!!!!LoLolol!!!' attached to it as the only explanation. They will be strapped in front of a computer that receives twenty emails a minute with only their nose available to use the touchpad to reply. All of the email is about viagra.
So there you go, most people say what they'll do if they rule the world or if they ascend to divinity, this is what I have planned for all those annoying swines at work if I get cast down into the fiery pits of damnation.
I have my work schedule.
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Those who bash keyboards with offensive loudness.
Those who wear so much aftershave/perfume that it makes their co-workers sneeze then say 'Oh, have you got a cold'.
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I'm drooling over this at the moment. I think I might ask for one for my birthday.
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SWEET. i'm so there. SIGN ME UP!
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